In between the sheets

Late night.

Tossing. Turning.

Mind restless. Thoughts so overwhelming.

Everything from:
"Wow looked at my chipped, poorly polished nails"
to:
"I wonder what my life will look like in 5 years..."

Seems my mind finds a thrill in late night pondering.

As I'm lying here... Between the sheets.... I see what God is showing me.
There is a constant battle of the mind "in between the sheets."
What I mean by that is there is a constant battle between your flesh and your spirit. What your spirit desires, and what your flesh craves.
Notice I said:
spirit- desires
Flesh- craves
You will always have a craving for things that momentarily satisfy you. What you do with that craving is up to you. Will you give in? Or will you follow the deepest desires of your soul.

When I find myself "in between the sheets" of compromise and temptation I quickly notice I am often tossing and turning. Shuffling around. Un-settled... Un-easy.

I'm not going to lie... Being 23 in this day and age is hard. Much harder then most people lead on. It's a constant awareness of my weak flesh. To be completely honest, it's not too hard to get caught up in drinking, sex, partying, smoking... It isn't.
Paul even says:

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

-Romans 7:15

When I realize my weakness I can ask for His strength. That when I am up late thinking... That my thoughts would incline to the things of God. That instead of wishing I had a guy.. that I would realize I am already His. Instead of browsing through Facebook... I would "get my face in His book." Instead of thinking of different ways to curl my hair, I would think about how I am taking care of my inner self.

This constant struggle of tossing and turning in between the sheets only reminded me that God never intended for your heart to be restless. He never intended for your heart to be broken, messed with, sabotaged, lied to... He wants to put your mind and heart at ease. Resting knowing He loves you no matter what. No matter the battle. No matter if you give in. No matter the sin you commit. When you turn to Jesus His love and Grace will always lead you to complete rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. -Matthew 11:29

The Organic Way.

I love my job. 

being a nanny is so much fun.

from rushing out the door to make it to school on time, to folding our hands and bowing our heads to say our goodnight prayers and everything in between. 

The chaos.

The crumbs. 

The cute smiles. 

Recently as I was par oozing through the aisles of Whole Foods with one of my girls Presley (4) we were filling the cart with the family necessities. 

yogurt- check

milk- check

fruit- check

We quickly pass aisle by aisle crossing the items off our neatly, organized, categorized list. Prelsey is such a good help and loves to stand on her tippy toes and grab the milk and hand it to be proudly as she accomplished something a "little" girl couldn't do. 

We approached the meat counter and I glanced at out list to read "Organic Chicken Breasts (3)"

The gentleman asked me what I would like and I quickly told him "3 organic Chicken Breasts please" hoping that while Presley was pre-occupied I could quickly make my order without her wanting to order it herself. 

As I placed the chicken in our cart, Presley quickly squints her eyes my direction, grabs to meat out of the cart swiftly, asking "Brookie WAIT! IS THIS ORGANIC?!?!?"

I said of course Presley! Brookie knows what mommy likes! She was then comforted and held my hand as we took off to the checkout. 

Funny thing, as I thought about this, Presley knew that if the meat wasn't Organic that it would not be what mommy would want. That it would be "less" then what mom wanted. She had a look that almost said "that would do harm if it's not!" 

A lot of people settle for the processed, when they could have the Organic. 

What I mean is that even in my own live, I settle for finding my worth in males, or attention.. then the King of affection who is constantly pursuing me. That I lay awake at night and wait for that guy to text me, when I have a love letter from the God of the universe collecting dust on my shelf. 

That we go through life with a check list of accomplishments we hope to cross off (which isn't a bad thing) but that's all we live for. It is just the "processed" view of life. To be real, to be Organic, means to be free. If you think about it Processed foods are caged, filled with hormones, and fed the very cheapest of ways. When we go through life with out Christ, we are constantly going to be searching for some sort of fulfillment-- being caged. We settle for a life of a good job, nice cars, a house, 2.5 children, a dog named spot and that's all. God wants you, while you're living on this earth, this short life you have, to live a life of fulfillment. He wants the best for His children just like mommy wants for Presley. She knows that though she pays more, her return is knowing her children aren't being filled with things that could possibly do harm. Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice, so that His children could live a life of joy, and completeness in Him. Don't settle for the second best, God has sacrificed His best so you could live your best life! 

Beauty of the Heart.

Saturday. 

The day when you can sit in your sweats and watch movies and consume sweets and not feel guilty about it all. 

As I pry myself out of bed; reluctantly, to get ready for work... I quickly washed my face. Blindly reached for a towel to dry my eyes enough to see my reflection in the foggy mirror. I looked back at my mascara run, puffy, barely opened eyes and thought: 

"who is this girl?"

Have you ever had one of those "deep thought" moments? well, this was one. 

I thought... I can't walk out of my house without makeup on... My closet is over flowing with the latest name brand fashions-- and I happily spend lots of money on them. I have a car, my own place... two jobs, my split ends are minimal, my bank account has some cushion. I'm feeling pretty okay these days. But am I really okay? The thought of looking deep in my eyes and seeing past this facade I put on oh so well is kind of frightening. Scary to say the least. 

Who am I really? "Who is Brooke? What are her dreams? What is her heart like?" These were the questions flooding my conscience. Behind all the things that one day fade... behind the jewelry I adorn myself with, what is the true treasure of my heart? What am I living for? Myself? Who I want people to see me as? What kind of name I can make for myself? 

How empty of a life, to constantly have one's eyes focused solely on oneself. 

I quickly remembered who God says I am: 

I am virtuous, I am capable, I am loved, I am cherished  I am beautiful, I am worth dying for. I am lovely, I am wanted, I have a joy that goes beyond circumstance.. (Romans 6:6 Romans 8 Proverbs 31)

Thinking about who God says I am is far beyond what my outer appearance can offer anyone. I want to be constantly aware of those around me and their needs. Be sensitive to who they are and take the focus off of me. 

B.O.B and Taylor Swift's song "Both of us" says it pretty clearly:

"And sometimes I wonder, why we care so much about the way we look.
And the way we talk and the way we act and the clothes we bought, how much that cost.
Does it even really matter?
Cause if life is an up hill battle
We all tryna climb with the same ol' ladder
In the same boat, with the same ol' paddle
Why so shallow? I'm just asking
What's the pattern to the madness
Everybody ain't a number one draft pick
Most of us ain't Hollywood actors

But if it's all for one, and one for all
Then maybe one day, we all can ball
Do it one time for the underdogs
Sincerely yours, from one of y'all"

If our life is but a flash in the light of eternity, I say we take some time and really make sure our focus is pointing towards a purpose. It's okay to wear makeup-- of course, it's okay to have a nice house, it's okay to have a nice car, it's okay to like fashion and express yourself. But where is your heart in it all? I am saying my heart gets so distracted, so caught up, so entangled in adorning my outer appearance I forget I am only on the earth for a short time, and I want that time to be a time I made a difference in every life that crossed my path. 

:)

Screen Shot Moments

sweet vanilla chai in my cup
music playing 
people passing by in a rather busy coffee shop

laughter
chatter
hustle
bustle

Seems like the perfect setting to let my mind wander.
Thinking to myself:
"I am 23. OH MY GOODNESS."
where does time go?! It passes so quickly. I think of all the adventures, 
the up's the down's, the crazy moments, the God moments...

What sticks out to me is that at the root of all my life happenings, God has had His hand on me since day one. That there was no place I went that His spirit didn't go with me. Whether it was in a bar, in a coffee shop, in Seattle, in Canada, in San Diego, in Oklahoma, in my bedroom, in a hotel, in my kitchen while I was cooking a dinner for 1, moments with my best friends, time with my family. Everywhere. 
I can't say I acknowledged Him every place I went, but looking back I can see His caring, grace-filled, loving hand every place my feet walked.  

I glance back at photos and in an instant I am taken back to that very moment captured. 

Much like this God has really taught me that He keeps photos of every moment I have with Him. He keeps track of the moments I have cried to Him, the moments I have wept at His feet. The moments I have smiled and lifted my head in amazement of all He has done for me. The moments I was worried for a test and said a quick prayer. The moments I lead a small group and laughed with some amazing young girls. The moments I went to conferences to just be with Him. The time my parents got a divorce and I wanted to abandon Him. The times I rejoiced even in my suffering.  
He captures every moment. And He never forgets. He never forgets the time when you cried to Him instead of getting on the phone and venting to a friend. He never forgets the moments when He took your breath away and the sunset He painted for you. He has every moment almost like a scrapbook in Heaven. 
When I get there I hope there is not just a few pages and that was all my life was with Him. The rest were just me going to church on Sunday and that was all. I hope my life is moments with Him that i can look back and see how that moment took me to the next moment and deeper and deeper with Him. How I grew from faith to faith as He walked with me. I hope this scrapbook has an unseen member in our family photo one day. That in the comings and goings that God is always that unseen member. 

I hope as life moves on and moments are being created that you and I remember that God treasures the time you spend with Him. Not just on a Sunday morning (although those are vital of course) but the moments you can just be raw and real with your Creator. He takes note and takes a screen shot of the precious moments you spend with Him. 

:)

The Power of Prayer

 head bowed

fingers inter-locked, 

heart open...

Here is where I find strength. 

There are many things in life that try and take you down. Bills, work, stress, relationships. So many things prying for our "Awe" and attention. The more I think about the power of prayer the more I realize I can go from "Panic to Peace" just by bending my knees. 

Some of the most raw, real relationships I've ever had have come with being so open and honest in prayer. Times I will never forget crying before God and asking for peace and strength to make it through. I think the biggest misconception about prayer is why should we? Does God really listen? What happens when nothing happens? 

“You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart…” Jeremiah 29:13

This verse brought me so much comfort in knowing that even though I don't have all the answers that I serve a God that I can just talk to (prayer) and He can bring me peace in the storms, and calm the anxieties of my soul. The essence of prayer is to become more like Jesus. That as we pray we begin to know Him, intimately. 

How beautiful is a heart that is surrendered to Him, and that admits we NEED His help! He is there in a second. The second we call on His name He is there. God WANTS to be apart of your everyday life. He wants to be involved in everything you are doing. The coming, the going, the up's, the down's, the overwhelming times, the heart aches, the tears, the joy, the laughter. He wants to be there. 

Run after God today. Surrender and seek Him, and see how He moves in your life! 

What can you thank God for? What are areas do you need His guidance and help in?

My First Blog!

So I thought I should try this out and see what happens!

This blog serves as a purpose to post about my "nanny diaries," thoughts, devotions, some Jesus, some pics, something just fun! I hope you all enjoy and learn more about me as I blog about my crazy, amazing, adventurous, fun life!

For my first blog i thought i would write something that has been on my heart these past couple days.

"God loves you." I grew up a youth pastors kid followed by a dad in leadership in the church... the amount of times I heard that phrase is more than the number of Starbucks you have had in your life. I have always known that God loves me. Never a doubt in my mind. Been to countless Conferences on God's love, heard so many sermons on love. It was almost like i could predict what the preacher would say before he said it.Until that phrase became a reality in my life it was almost just words I knew in my head, but my heart never had a true encounter with the Love of God. I felt like I had to earn His love. The more "good" I did the more He loved me and the more I messed up His love would be less and less. That is the biggest lie and unfortunately is a main factor in why people fall away from God, or never even want to be involved in the first place. This battle was hard for me because as I sinned and messed up I felt like I was further and further away from Him.You know when you were younger and when you disobeyed your parents you got "the look?" My parents always had a look that would strike fear right to my very core when I knew I was caught in something i shouldn't be doing. That's how I felt about God. I felt like He would be angry and give me a "look" every time I sinned and fell short of His standards. The closer and closer I am getting to God, the more i realize He has a permanent smile towards me. His countenance is always joyful when He thinks of me. He sees Jesus when He thinks of me. His perfect son who took  my place. I no longer need to hang my head when I fall short but I can look up and know that He still loves me the same. That doesn't; however, give me the license to do whatever I want... but it makes me want to do what pleases Him because I know He is happy with me. This confidence keeps me going. This confidence is something worth living for. The fact that i have a God who is FOR me and loves me unconditionally. No matter what. What else do I need?! The verses I leave with you are ones that remind me of His perma-smile towards me! Never forget that He loves you and He is smiling from Heaven down on you! 

Your God is present among you. Happy to have your back, He'll calm you with His love and delight you with His songs. - Zephaniah 3:17

God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, He's rich in love. He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever. He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as heaven is over earth so strong is His love to those who fear Him. And as far as the sunrise is from the sunset He has separated us from our sins. - Psalm 103:8-12