The day when you can sit in your sweats and watch movies and consume sweets and not feel guilty about it all.
As I pry myself out of bed; reluctantly, to get ready for work... I quickly washed my face. Blindly reached for a towel to dry my eyes enough to see my reflection in the foggy mirror. I looked back at my mascara run, puffy, barely opened eyes and thought:
"who is this girl?"
Have you ever had one of those "deep thought" moments? well, this was one.
I thought... I can't walk out of my house without makeup on... My closet is over flowing with the latest name brand fashions-- and I happily spend lots of money on them. I have a car, my own place... two jobs, my split ends are minimal, my bank account has some cushion. I'm feeling pretty okay these days. But am I really okay? The thought of looking deep in my eyes and seeing past this facade I put on oh so well is kind of frightening. Scary to say the least.
Who am I really? "Who is Brooke? What are her dreams? What is her heart like?" These were the questions flooding my conscience. Behind all the things that one day fade... behind the jewelry I adorn myself with, what is the true treasure of my heart? What am I living for? Myself? Who I want people to see me as? What kind of name I can make for myself?
How empty of a life, to constantly have one's eyes focused solely on oneself.
I quickly remembered who God says I am:
I am virtuous, I am capable, I am loved, I am cherished I am beautiful, I am worth dying for. I am lovely, I am wanted, I have a joy that goes beyond circumstance.. (Romans 6:6 Romans 8 Proverbs 31)
Thinking about who God says I am is far beyond what my outer appearance can offer anyone. I want to be constantly aware of those around me and their needs. Be sensitive to who they are and take the focus off of me.
B.O.B and Taylor Swift's song "Both of us" says it pretty clearly:
"And sometimes I wonder, why we care so much about the way we look.
And the way we talk and the way we act and the clothes we bought, how much that cost.
Does it even really matter?
Cause if life is an up hill battle
We all tryna climb with the same ol' ladder
In the same boat, with the same ol' paddle
Why so shallow? I'm just asking
What's the pattern to the madness
Everybody ain't a number one draft pick
Most of us ain't Hollywood actors
But if it's all for one, and one for all
Then maybe one day, we all can ball
Do it one time for the underdogs
Sincerely yours, from one of y'all"
And the way we talk and the way we act and the clothes we bought, how much that cost.
Does it even really matter?
Cause if life is an up hill battle
We all tryna climb with the same ol' ladder
In the same boat, with the same ol' paddle
Why so shallow? I'm just asking
What's the pattern to the madness
Everybody ain't a number one draft pick
Most of us ain't Hollywood actors
But if it's all for one, and one for all
Then maybe one day, we all can ball
Do it one time for the underdogs
Sincerely yours, from one of y'all"
If our life is but a flash in the light of eternity, I say we take some time and really make sure our focus is pointing towards a purpose. It's okay to wear makeup-- of course, it's okay to have a nice house, it's okay to have a nice car, it's okay to like fashion and express yourself. But where is your heart in it all? I am saying my heart gets so distracted, so caught up, so entangled in adorning my outer appearance I forget I am only on the earth for a short time, and I want that time to be a time I made a difference in every life that crossed my path.
:)
